A fragment of a photo of Harrison Forman. Photo source: journal of humus
Actually this is my old post. But since yesterday, near the door of my LJ lower animals, known in the vernacular as shovels, staged caterwauling on the libretto: “You’re lying! The USSR was the most advanced country in the world!” can’t make it pleasant. Besides, as it turned out, among these raving lunatics are a considerable number of species of flora that don’t know me. And, therefore, my posts past not read. So they will be useful to read. And so, generally, I share the view, which originated in the circle of British scientists that repetition is the mother of learning. It never hurts to repeat a good post from my Golden Fund “Oldies but Goldies”.
Shovels tricks for Soviet women
Shovels tricks in my youth, I called the category “the house master. Tips” magazine “Science and life”. This monthly magazine was very popular. For example, the circulation numbers for March 1977 was 3 million copies with the volume of 160 pages. Now none of the Russian media could not even dream of such a circulation. And, in fact, even today, many of the article in that old magazine quite interesting. The title of the journal reflects its structure. Part of the rooms have always been devoted to various problems of science and technology, and some notorious life. So, this is the heading “house master. Tips” (it’s kind of clumsy sequence) were published in every number. Although occupied only one lane, it was one of the most popular headings of this journal. What is so interesting in it?
A genre that can be called “Councils of masters” are generally quite popular. Today, with the advent of the Internet, you can easily find a lot of materials (in text and in video format) in which the masters share their experience and give useful advice. How to change door lock how to change a plug, how to lay tile or Wallpaper glue. Needs people weight and tips weight. But they have one particular property – this is usually the advice given really masters of their craft. That is, for example, professional electrician tells how to hang a chandelier. Professional Builder explains how to build a house. Well, etc.
Topic “the house master. Tips” magazine “Science and life” part is also contained such advice from professionals. Adjusted for Soviet times, of course (i.e. no advice like: “how many mixers in the store to choose the best”), but the Soviets were, well, as in the above scan as “bring to mind” guides for glasses in the sideboard or how to determine the polarity of the DC power source. There were more professional advice such as how to facilitate a job for drilling holes in concrete load-bearing wall.
But there were echoing component of these tips. That’s just this second component I called “Soviet stealth”. If these tips have honored the man who knows nothing about the USSR, you would have thought that the magazine “Science and life” is intended for the most impoverished part of the Soviet population. And yet this magazine the target audience saw was not the poor (which in the USSR was not officially), but just rather supposedly successful people with higher education in the first place.
This part of the tips can also be divided into two subgroup. First I would say: “Advice to the poor for the poor”. I mean, not knowing who is giving these tips, there is a feeling that this is a person leading the level of life is on the brink of poverty, constantly concerned about how to prolong the lifetime of your worn clothes and his poor old things. And even when the clothes comes in already quite a state of disrepair, things break – all the same, they are not thrown away but to use them to repair other old things.
And the second subgroup – “How to make a on the knee that you can’t buy in the store.” From this subgroup of the advice emanates not poverty, and the deficit. Reading these tips a person who knows of the USSR must constantly ask themselves the question: “Why not buy it in the store?”
Immediately I foresee arguments “the defense”, they say, in every country there are people who like something don’t buy in the store and make yourself. Yes, do not argue. There are such people. But there are people who instead of, for example, to throw a leaky bucket and buy in the store, inventing a way to patch the hole in this bucket. There are no people who instead of having to buy a new mesh for shaver, prefer to resort to tricks to repair old, broken. Etc. no Such people. Does not happen. Because any normal person will buy a new bucket and will not fix a hole in the old one. Any normal person will buy a cheap part for my shaver, but you won’t put yourself at risk of injury. But a normal person would act in a normal situation, when such things are easy to buy. And in a situation of total Soviet deficit normal person would be forced to invent a way to cut tonsils autogenous cutting through a bum.
However – enough said. Let us turn to the exposition. For the attention of respectable public collection “Soviet tricks” (which are often intended for women), taken in the journal “Science and life”. All the clippings are taken from journals during the period 1975 – 1980. So.
This cutting begins the exposition simply because of the phrase, which I liked. The phrase “shovels trowel”, which you can scoop up more of the solution, as it immediately sets the tone for viewing the subsequent material, rich in “Soviet life hacks” (sorry for expression).
If I want the bracelet combines those and other properties and was such or other, I go to the appropriate store and choose from the range presented. But if you buy nothing, then have to deal with the idiocy of podkladyvaniem the inner part of the bracelet strip of leather.
Again, wouldn’t it be easier to buy a special rod? Easier. But not in the USSR. In the USSR just something simple rod is easier to alter in a special bar for fountain pens. By the way, where to take a pair of tweezers for this operation? Tweezers in the USSR to buy was much harder than the rod. However, it was possible to steal in a hospital or clinic.
Useful invention. Question: why would someone stock rods that need to stored for years? Answer two: either this man is polar and lives surrounded by polar bears, or such person lives in the village, where to buy the rods – wild problem. Every few years a man goes to some big city, where from and merchandised for five years forward.
It makes no sense to say that this advice is important for two reasons: a) the much-vaunted modern “defenders of the USSR” Soviet marvelous quality often was not so marvelous and b) people wore clothes for so long that she has worn almost to holes, and such mechanical parts as the lightning, the first was out of order. Extend the life of your clothes is one of the recurring ideas of the Soviet man. And another passing thought: why not give old clothes in a special Studio, to replace a zipper? The answer is obvious – in the Studio either won’t need the bolt or the term of modification would take a month or more.
It is generally one of the slogans of the Soviet people – it is not necessary to throw away something that has already served the term of his service, because it can something useful. Give the post the ingenuity of this Marchenko from Novorossiysk, but it is also sad that the country that launched the first satellite, condemned him to remake the old shaver into a vibrator.
I hope you can guess how long to wear “sturdy Soviet pants” below their bottom was covered with fringe. Right, don’t need to buy a new one. It is necessary to smear with glue the leg. This is Soviet-style. But comrade V. Voitovich forgets that the PVA glue also go and find more. It is the Soviet Union!
In General, folding umbrella it is better to take to a repair shop, not the repair itself. But folding umbrella in 1978 (and the clipping I took from the magazine for June 1978) is a branded umbrella. Soviet workshops officially, these umbrellas are not repaired. The masters of course he would, but for the “three top”. Why? When you can take the burner unit out of the stem of a ballpoint pen, to make it a rivet and voilà! Umbrella good as new. Who said – “buy the rivets in the store”? Well, you Joker, her, her. Go buy in the Soviet shop rivets.
In a normal country, a simple frame a frame you can buy in the store. In the USSR it is necessary to make the most of boards, sticks and rubber flagella. So what? If there are no other options – and this is good.
Actually, of course, the mirror that brought to such a state, it is better to throw out and buy new. But not in the USSR. I like this PostScript: “of course the picture does not improve, but the mirror will tidy look”. Neat. Yes.
Well, if it is a rod of tin is at hand. And in the Soviet Union, and this could be a serious ambush. And imagine this place in the Soviet journal note the following: “a Handy portable light to work in the garage you can buy in any near from your home hardware store”. That would be Soviet readers would bellow in a voice like horses, reading such idiotic advice. But to make a lamp out of a piece of tin and copper wire are good for Soviet reality.
Of course it doesn’t matter. The Soviet tubes are almost never not tightly closed Soviet drain holes in the Soviet baths. Then, they are Soviet. And why the Soviet industry would be to steam and to achieve a tight seal when their products it makes for the Soviet people, who can always “bring to mind” Soviet products. Well, for example, spreading every time before bathing the edges of the tube soap. And here I am, for example, once (I was still 12 years old, probably) came up with a more ingenious solution – wrapped sidewall drain plugs with tape. By the way, if someone accidentally entered in the USSR – a great gift idea. Send it to a magazine “Science and life”. And three million of readers find out about you.
Kopeechka. All right then. Take a square, slightly to prepare it to drill a hole and cut thread. And you have in your hands a wing nut, which is definitely better than purchase from the store. Because the store no such. So will not buy. And if you need ten of these “sheep”, it is not difficult to do ten times as described above.
Here is what is interesting. And where to get those thin pieces of aluminum? No, but seriously – where to get them? Oh! Idea! Ask my neighbor Uncle Misha, who works at the plant. Misha will secure from the factory as you want aluminum. Maybe even the iron, if requested. The factory Uncle Mike a lot. And he drags out everything. Because we know well that the plant “You are the master, not a guest, bring the plant every nail”.
Cans. There’s just a whole encyclopedia of Soviet life. Almost every family in winter in the kitchen and the closets/cabinets lined up in battery cans of canned products of the labor invested in the notorious “6 acres” (who they of course were). What was it? Usually sauerkraut, mushrooms (whole families together), cucumbers, tomatoes, stewed apples, and maybe even what the jam some. In General pickles. And people all summer slaving away at their “dachas” without rest and respite to the winter to do their own stock of canned food. What? In the store-do not buy.
Continuation of the famous Soviet series: “obsolete something can be reused somewhere, somehow”. Ingenious solution. In fact. Therefore, intelligent Soviet man in any case do not throw expired batteries.
And again the same thing – “do not hurry to throw away…” who’s in a hurry? What is the moral of the Soviet people was in a hurry to throw away something that has long been necessary to throw away? Broken? Well, nothing. Somehow in the economy will settle down again. For example, in the Council above.
Uh… And some other, easier way in the USSR it is impossible to draw color circle? No? Well, okay, then we will cut with a hacksaw the leg of the spring. Old, of course, the leg. You remember that if you have an old broken resfeber, in any case, it cannot be discarded. And then suddenly need to draw a colored circle. I like saying that: “still it was possible to draw…” To still. True. Soviet calculators not designed to draw colored circles. But be smart we Soviet compass can deceive. After all.
An interesting invention. Talks just about the two moments of Soviet life. A) the ice winter was widespread, and b) know how ugly was the shoes, if the man wanted them “improved”, not steaming about the fact that they will lose marketability.
And if still to use a drill? However, for this it is necessary to have. A man with a power drill, the Soviet Union was like unto a celestial. Anyway, in 1979 (fillets taken from the room in February 1979).
Here it is! Repair mesh for a razor! In my youth, incidentally, was the razor exactly with the mesh. And she once broke. Went to the store, knowing that the sense in this. Guessed. Had to shave like this, with holes in the mesh, testing the risk to cut myself. Well, from time to time to go to the store in the hope that one day will appear. Yay! One appeared in the sale of this mesh for my razor. I bought a couple of pieces (one to be replaced immediately, and the second as a backup). Why not ten at once? Cost mesh about the ruble. So ten of them is too much. And someone a toad pressed to buy a mesh or in his city they do not sell it Bfom to seal the hole. Brave man, Cho
From which we can conclude that after the failure of the refrigerator in the conditions of Soviet reality makes sense not to throw it out entirely, and keep it off freon condenser. Well, suddenly it will be necessary to make a simple solar water heater?
And here is the promised bucket. In fact – well, who, living in the USSR, is going to buy a new bucket if the old you can solder? Polyethylene. “Soviet life hack” (pardon the expression).
And champagne corks should not be thrown out. Because – it is the Soviet Union. Champagne buy in the store, and the grid-filter for the sink – not. So brains how to use what is commercially available to replace what sold.
And even better – good tools to buy in a good shop. But in order to get into a good shop, you have to leave the USSR. And this, you see, is somewhat troublesome for carving. And not the fact that it will release. So in the course of the stationery and the pens can go. However, as we shall see a little further, writing feathers is not always may “be at hand”.
If you buy a “soft” hammer is impossible, it is possible to do a “hard” hammer. By the way, the reader of V. Zabolotnyi sure that the tip of the crutch so right always and everywhere is sold in pharmacies? I would be in his place wouldn’t make such hasty promises treacherous. It may in fact not be sold. And then to obtain a soft hammer? But it’s very nice. To get the hammer to tin work, it is necessary to go to the pharmacy for a tip for a crutch. Oh this good old tube of the USSR. As I remember, so a wave of nostalgia rolled forward and right so I want to go back in time, what can not eat as much.
It happens. And not only in the shaver “Kharkiv”. With Soviet commodities generally so happens that they are not only after the replacement, but even immediately after the purchase don’t want to work just as should work. By the way, where the pasta GOI to take? Oh, I almost forgot – we have a neighbour Misha, who works at the plant.
Caps! That’s the theme! The Soviet theme! Caps! All Soviet women (or almost all) suffered from this issue. You have read one of the tips about the store for cans of beans? Millions of Soviet women engaged in conservation. But the caps were horrible deficit. Ghastlier! Think about it – the country launched a man into space, the country made a nuclear bomb, but the caps – lids! for conservation were scarce. Well, the women out of the situation as best they could.
In the last post, I wrote that in Hungary there were no shortages. I didn’t believe. And after reading this Board, is only strengthened in his mistrust. Could not Hungarian comrade K. Shomodi to invent ways of staining glass for terraces if in Hungarian stores you can easily purchase colored glass. Well I think so, anyway.
I hope you remember the Golden rule of Soviet life? Anything superfluous does not happen. Everything is broken or whatever has ceased to perform its function, sooner or later it will be possible for something to adapt. Well, here in this wonderful Board about the old bottles in the oven. Beggars for the poor. Oven they had handles for the tool – it was not.
Question – why not go and buy new glasses? In this case you have not guessed. With points in the Soviet Union special, there was no shortage. Was really a shortage on beautiful rims. But in General, any optics something, Yes, you could buy always. However. Most often the person with low vision it is necessary to insert only needed him lens (ready made spectacles rarely fit anyone). But here was an ambush. To do in optics new glasses, you could wait about a month. And all this time how to do? Well here are some such methods.
“If at hand was not”. Soviet euphemism is always the same: “the shop is difficult or impossible to buy.” So, as we already know, the old bars of the pens in the USSR could perform many non-trivial functions. So they had to be kept. Years.
Moreover, the piece of Plexiglas or aluminum, always push from the factory Uncle Mike. However, such a device hardly anyone was at home. But at work some Secretary could Uncle Misha ask to do such things, without leaving the territory. But could not buy. Were not trays in the sale.
Buy a switch, not that it was impossible. In Moscow, at least in the late ‘ 80s (and not in 1979) I’ve seen sometimes on sale. But it cost one and a half helm. Although contemporary children are well aware that “in the Soviet Union all had an excess of money”, the reality was somewhat different. The excess money (i.e., savings) were not all. And those who had, they are there not to buy switches lay, and accumulated for the purchase of color TV or branded wall. And available for operational spending most of the Soviet money was very little. So spend a rouble and a half for switch – sorry. Better with a piece of “ordinary underwear elastic” to fix it. And that piece to get out of our underwear. “Soviet life hack” (pardon the expression).
Remember, as someone above advised to use office pens to make them cutters of wood. And if not of the most clerical of feathers, and it is necessary, though cut, write in large letters the title? (Newspaper?) For the Soviet people there is nothing easier. Match! About where to get a clutch pencil not ask me. It can certainly be handy. But with the same probability it can not be.
“Here’s the Council.” I liked this entry. An ingenious improvement in the switch (which earlier we repaired with a piece of gum from the pants). But the question is – why Soviet industry had not attended to the issue of the switches of a quality such as to trigger the first time? Ay! Soviet industry! The answer is no.
Here, too fucked up, speaking bluntly. G. Lukina from Moscow offers a way more agile to fix a zipper with plastic teeth. To this end, it offers – not to go to the Studio to sew new zipper, do not buy in the store ready the zipper and to sew and to sew every loose tooth. Why the fuck is it so hard? And then… Let’s talk. On the yard 1979. Zipper with plastic teeth, usually only on imported clothing. Therefore, if we suppose that G. Lukina broken plastic zipper imported the skirt or jacket, then you are likely to get to the point. How to change the imported things zipper? First, similar to the zipper most likely won’t find any. Yes, and mutilate the thing, trying to replace (for example, in a jacket with a zipper to change – it was still fun). Well, that has to accept such troubles. And the associated question is how long should the thing to wear to her thread broke, which teeth are sewn to the matter! Soviet reality. Nothing to be done. If the person was lucky enough to buy some imported beauty, then wearing it will be until it does not get old.
The invention is quite stupid. But if you don’t drill, how else? And, by the way, in the USSR it was impossible to buy dowels. Therefore, those who had the good fortune to own a drill and drilling holes, making dowel from the material at hand – the same plugs, or even suggested in the opening matches.
All right. The Soviet locksmith you can wait a very long time. But the repair then what! Repair leaky toilet tank float! Its probably half a century it is necessary to exploit to it sprung a leak. And here’s yet exploited, have not changed. But if worn out – plastic bag repaired! Well, where to buy new float? It’s for you to the USSR, after all. Take, please, a discount of allegiance to Marxist-Leninist ideas.
Oh, these Soviet connectors for electronics. How many I with it was worn out at the time when I played in a rock band. Their sale will almost never happen. But if there were, more often – three-pronged. And very often (for stereo equipment, for example) needed five-pole. Well, somewhere in General there were not any. And it is somewhere – not some Lower Prepardeness, and the cradle of the revolution Leningrad. And here is his resident Vladimir Zerenkov offers itself to make such connections. And help out his good old beushnye rods from ballpoint pens.
Well, to finalize the jointer is generally certainly full of ebonites. Because the jointer is a tool and supposed to be initially the most convenient for work. But the person correctly writes that the lower location of the handle convenient. But the Soviet industry ceased to produce. What to do? But I have another question for you: think about why the Soviet industry ceased to produce a jointer with a lower position of the handle? Answer – because this jointer is more complicated in production, but “His Majesty the Plan” all intensificare production and intensifitsiruetsa. In the end, the time for completion of the jointer remains. From the top would stay to have time to produce the planned quantity. And the Soviet people – they’ll adapt.
Anyway, here are all these “defenders of light”, which so love to talk about the abomination of “petroplasma” and about the happiness of creative work, will never do in the hands anything heavier than a dick is not kept. Guarantee. Because the man that the USSR tried to do something with their hands, constantly faced with severe shortages of even the most simple tools and materials that just can’t do it today, clean the eye to fight on the Internet “there is no special shortage in the USSR was not”. So I today, when you hear the next “defender” about the happiness of creative work in the Soviet Union, I just have a burning desire to go to the drugstore to buy a rubber tip for a crutch, put it on a steel hammer and you can take this “defender” it with a hammer between the eyes. To restore the world’s harmony, so to speak.
But I will continue.
Again, the fight with ice.
Shortage in the USSR was not. But the receiver had to make to the technology, invented probably in the days when Alexander the great went on to conquer India. Fucked up, gentlemen, comrades, this is just fucked up, that it was proposed to make the Soviet man who burned with passion of creative work.
I have only one question: and it was impossible immediately to fill a quality thread? Not? OK. Understood. We continue the tour.
Cutter convenient. No shit. And very useful in the poverty of the Soviet economy. The main cogs from the compass was at hand.
For this was obviously at hand must be stretched nylon podslednika or part of a nylon stocking. But they are there – at hand – would be if the old stocking or the podslednika not thrown away but carefully lay in the cupboard.
Again, the “Soviet means excellent” production, which on the one hand solved the problem of launching a man into space and return him alive and unharmed, but could not solve the problem of production of flushing cisterns for toilets, which would avoid distortions in the locking valve. Well, Yes, the Soviet man is a piece of cake to fix. It is not a moget.
But what the Soviet people will throw out the cot just because of the fact that her edges began to tear the tarpaulin? He did and without tarp not erase. Because it can for something then be useful.
Bitch fucking! A single Soviet people offers other Soviet people put in the toe of my boot pack with diluted with gypsum, but does not offer them to go to the store and buy new shoes. Schaub we have lived again!
Take the time to fucking throw the broken hook because you live in the USSR! And most importantly – have more stock of old rods from ballpoint pens. These old rods are unrealistic will improve your life in the land of the Soviets. Biespezdy. And most importantly, forget the word “shop”. If you have something broke, or something needed on the farm, you’ll find it anywhere, but not a Soviet Department store.
I presented some engineer walking to work with this briefcase, and I felt sorry for this man. Though, I’m sorry.
It’s not that kind of “about the Soviet deficit”. It’s more about the sense of beauty, which possessed some of the Soviet people. I submitted this neat person who is in the front pocket of a shirt or jacket aluminum comb with a curved handle and I felt funny. Just funny and all. And it is not enough that someone invented it and sent it to the journal. The editor felt that this Council can bestow some of the three million readers of the magazine and put it in the room. Tin.
Fuck we should make a seal for a leaking wheel? Because the store-it is still not to buy. And come to call the locksmith Athos will be with us to extort a three-pointer. Not. We better all by yourself.
Ingenious solution. In fact, if the film is not, and need it (after all, some of the fuck are we living in the Soviet Union, bought a miniature camera, a film for which the sale did not buy), it is possible to make a narrow film of a wide. For this approach stem from the pen. What? In this case, there are no bars? Only a matchbox and two halves of a razor blade? It should be noted the following: first, I already got used to the idea that the USSR almost any trouble can be resolved by using the old rod from a pen, and, secondly, I contend, is why the author of the Council also advised us to stock up on iodine and a bandage, because the invention to use should have been in complete darkness. And I am afraid to even imagine how to use this device in complete darkness, it was possible to cut the film along.
Thread! And no locksmith Afonya we are not afraid.
But here it is! Another one!!! – the use of the rod of a ballpoint pen. From it, it turns out, you can still brush to do. The tassel! USSR – my dream!
If your briefcase or handbag from long use has become such a kind that the homeless ashamed to give, remember that you live in the Soviet Union and continue to use. Simply insert the elastic wire somewhere. And will last more than one decade. Even your grandchildren will this portfolio to wear and enjoy.
Small pieces of Christmas toys! When it seems that the “Soviet stealth” nothing can surprise us, they hit short right in the nose. And you knocked out. It turns out that in the USSR, even the pieces of Christmas toys shouldn’t be thrown away. After all, they could be amiss in the economy.
The invention is good. But we today, says only one – in the USSR was not in principle dummies, which had originally a container for tea leaves. But the Soviet people – it is a skilled.
And in my opinion, a good soldering iron stand is a special stand store-bought. But not in the Soviet store, of course.
Here again someone “was not at hand.” Well, a man sitting on a chair (this is most likely the Secretary). And she needs the tape 16-mm. But the tape at the next table. And right here, at hand, only the ribbon 13. A paste and go to a neighboring table, not hunting. It doesn’t matter. Simple passes, as described in the Council will help to use the tape 13 mm instead of 16 mm. and the business.
Broken glasses again. And again, it is easier to repair than to go to the optician and wait for the order.
I hope you already understand from this suggestion that the Soviet people are not encouraged to throw chunks of old skis. For they could still be useful.
Old ski pole! It’s such a beautiful thing! That it is a pity to throw away. And how fortunate that they found a way to use it.
Well, perhaps, to be the end of our tour. In the end I got lost in the foul language. I apologize. But without the Mat, I could not comment on these tips, which in all seriousness some of the Soviet people gave others the Soviet people.
I do it all read and ready for publication, suddenly found himself here on some thoughts. Of the many ancient civilizations we know through archaeological excavations. And in these excavations the most tasty for archaeologists piece (after the ancient graves and burial mounds) are the ancient landfills and garbage heaps. It was there that archaeologists have found many artifacts of everyday life of ancient civilizations.
So, if someday the archeologists of the future reach of Soviet garbage, it probably will be very confused and disappointed. Because these piles is nothing but potato peels, herring skeletons and scraps of newspaper “Pravda”. The rest of the Soviet people processed to dust. He did not throw anything old and broken that it was possible to somehow fix or adjust later in the economy. Therefore, the Soviet “cultural layer” will be extremely scarce for archaeologists. And it is one hundred percent – they will not find there any old rod from a ball pen.
Thank you for your attention.
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